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Wednesday, October 11, 2006

** Little Miss Innocent? by Lori Foster. Contemporary romance.

Well. I am so obviously not Lori Foster's reader. This book's got 4.5 stars on Amazon, 5 stars on Barnes & Noble. I don't have the stomach to check anywhere else.

It started with page 1 and the heroine's name: Lace. Big groan. This is a name you'll find only on a stripper or a romance heroine. Yes, I know Lacey is a real name, but even the Baby Name Wizard doesn't list "Lace". Okay, that's minor, and common to a lot of romances. Anyone know why that is, btw? Drives me nuts.

The niggles just kept adding up. You don't have a "hoard" of friends. If someone's your "erstwhile" slave, it doesn't mean they're your devoted slave--it means they used to be your slave. And a secluded cabin doesn't "allot" privacy. Sheesh. Just use simpler words, if you're not sure of the meanings.

Except for the name, I only noticed those things because the book itself irritated me so much. Lace is a radio sex therapist, who's bitten in the butt by a dog, and at the ER, the doc who stitches her up is none other than Dr. Daniel Sawyers, the brother of her best friend, with whom she has a mutual lust/disapproval thing going on.

She thinks he's a stick-in-the-mud; he thinks she's a slut. Oh, and a "liberal." Ooooh. And she's a bad influence on his baby sister, who's now dressing like a girl and dating. (Lace & baby sis are both 27.) But they're y'know, hot for each other anyway.

Now Lace needs somebody to help her out, what with the pain in her ass (sorry--I couldn't resist), so Dr. Dan decides to stay over. Since baby sis is busy shopping. Why this would make her unable to help her friend out for a couple of days is beyond me.

The proximity gets too much for Dr. Dan, so he comes up with the brilliant idea of pretending he's sexually dysfunctional so Lace won't be able to resist fixing him. And golly gee, is there anyone out there who didn't figure out by page 3 that Lace is a virgin? Is there a sex therapist heroine in all of romancelandia who's ever had sex? I think it's in the job description.

The rest of the book is just standard, cliched stuff. The awwww... perfect Christmas presents, the clearing up of misunderstandings, the sex scenes. It's tempting to say it's just an older book, but 1999 isn't all that old.


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