Monday, September 18, 2006
Theory #31: Readerly Theories: Real Boys
Okay, I've had it with the stereotyping. I'm tired of hearing how a "real man" would or would not do or say X, Y, or Z. And I'm baffled by this, because it seems to be the same women who bristle at any suggestion of female stereotyping who are the ones complaining the loudest.
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Is that where 100 years of women's lib has taken us? To women who can do anything, be anything, but men must fit in this teeny tiny little niche? Give me a freaking break.
Just in the past couple months or so, I've heard or read that a "real man" would not:
To be fair, it seems that most of these objections come from readers rather than writers, and it's a good thing, too, because I'd get pretty darn tired of reading about emotionally stunted grunting cavemen. Unless, y'know, it's their character arc, and they learn how to walk upright and speak in complete sentences by the end of the book. But that gets blasted as character violation. Because no man would do that.
There's a little concession that maybe some of these things would be done by "beta" heroes, but even betas aren't allowed to be too emotional or conversational or tidy.
A wise woman (I think it was Jennifer Crusie, but I'm not positive) said that it doesn't matter if something is true or not if the reader doesn't believe it's true. So maybe all these complaints are stemming, not from a perception that the stereotypes are true, but from poor characterization. I think that's part of it, but it's not the whole story.
Why do readers expect an author to explain a hero's deviation from the stereotype? Is it really that true? I have to admit that there have been a couple heroes that made me think "a guy just wouldn't talk like that." Does that mean I'm buying into the stereotype too? Or are there some universal male traits that 90% of men have? I suspect that there are some basic male/female differences, but don't try to tell me it's males = logic & competition and females = emotion and conversation, because I'm not going to buy it.
Regardless, here's a news flash: men are just as individual as women. Maybe some men don't talk and wouldn't know an emotion if it smacked them in the face, but other men do, and it doesn't mean they're effeminate. And maybe refusing to date men who have clean apartments because they're obviously either gay or they have a girlfriend who cleans for them is just ensuring that you'll never see the difference.
Categories: Theories, Reading
...more
Is that where 100 years of women's lib has taken us? To women who can do anything, be anything, but men must fit in this teeny tiny little niche? Give me a freaking break.
Just in the past couple months or so, I've heard or read that a "real man" would not:
- talk about emotions
- think about emotions
- set up a romantic evening
- light candles
- keep an apartment clean
- decorate an apartment with something besides beer signs and Playboy centerfolds
- act "tenderly"
- cook
- do dishes by hand
- purchase clothing other than lingerie for a woman, and never in the correct size
- be faithful to a girlfriend or wife
To be fair, it seems that most of these objections come from readers rather than writers, and it's a good thing, too, because I'd get pretty darn tired of reading about emotionally stunted grunting cavemen. Unless, y'know, it's their character arc, and they learn how to walk upright and speak in complete sentences by the end of the book. But that gets blasted as character violation. Because no man would do that.
There's a little concession that maybe some of these things would be done by "beta" heroes, but even betas aren't allowed to be too emotional or conversational or tidy.
A wise woman (I think it was Jennifer Crusie, but I'm not positive) said that it doesn't matter if something is true or not if the reader doesn't believe it's true. So maybe all these complaints are stemming, not from a perception that the stereotypes are true, but from poor characterization. I think that's part of it, but it's not the whole story.
Why do readers expect an author to explain a hero's deviation from the stereotype? Is it really that true? I have to admit that there have been a couple heroes that made me think "a guy just wouldn't talk like that." Does that mean I'm buying into the stereotype too? Or are there some universal male traits that 90% of men have? I suspect that there are some basic male/female differences, but don't try to tell me it's males = logic & competition and females = emotion and conversation, because I'm not going to buy it.
Regardless, here's a news flash: men are just as individual as women. Maybe some men don't talk and wouldn't know an emotion if it smacked them in the face, but other men do, and it doesn't mean they're effeminate. And maybe refusing to date men who have clean apartments because they're obviously either gay or they have a girlfriend who cleans for them is just ensuring that you'll never see the difference.
Categories: Theories, Reading
Comments:
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That explains everything, Darla. I too have a fictional husband. I'd always thought he was real but he cooks, cleans, expresses his emotions etc so obviously he isn't real.
The stereotyping really annoys me too, even when it's presented as a 'joke'.
The stereotyping really annoys me too, even when it's presented as a 'joke'.
# posted by 
: 9/19/2006 2:21 AM
: 9/19/2006 2:21 AM
Yeah, stereotypes annoy me too, except when they're right ;-) Just kidding. I usually become quiet when women start joking about the slob of a husband ... I'm the pigpen and my husband's the neat freak.
Do you think this issue (gender stereotypes) is exacerbated within the romance genre, because gender roles are pretty much pre-set? (I know you didn't specify romance novels.) And, don't shoot me ... maybe many romance readers are looking for a certain hero stereotype? So, the writer writes to them, and readers are happy, and the cycle goes on. Then, when it's disrupted on occasion (and beware the author who changes on his/her readers), readers cry foul, because it's outside their comfort zone and probably outside their personal experiences.
I don't know what I'm rambling on about now, so I'll stop here.
BTW, Darla, I think I'm getting addicted to your blog - love it!
Do you think this issue (gender stereotypes) is exacerbated within the romance genre, because gender roles are pretty much pre-set? (I know you didn't specify romance novels.) And, don't shoot me ... maybe many romance readers are looking for a certain hero stereotype? So, the writer writes to them, and readers are happy, and the cycle goes on. Then, when it's disrupted on occasion (and beware the author who changes on his/her readers), readers cry foul, because it's outside their comfort zone and probably outside their personal experiences.
I don't know what I'm rambling on about now, so I'll stop here.
BTW, Darla, I think I'm getting addicted to your blog - love it!
# posted by : 9/19/2006 4:19 AM
: 9/19/2006 4:19 AM
LOL. Maybe we should start a support group. Women with fictional husbands.
Vaishali, I really don't notice it so much in other genres, but whether that's because it's not present, or because romance does tend to spotlight the genders, I'm not sure. It's certain, though, that I've never heard sf/f or mystery fans complaining about unrealistic men. Unrealistic characters in general, yes, but not regarding their gender.
I do think you've hit on something there--people prefer to read books that reinforce their own views of the world. So if their world is full of Neanderthal men, that's what they want to read about.
I hope that's not the case--that would be awfully sad. I wouldn't be surprised, though, if many women buy into the stereotype because it reinforces their view of the world: a woman with a husband with a few faults (IOW: a regular person) might be better able to put up with those faults if she thinks that most other men are much worse. Or a single woman might feel better about being single if she thinks most men are like the stereotypes. Referring to women who prefer fictional heroes to fit the stereotypes, of course.
BTW, Darla, I think I'm getting addicted to your blog - love it!
:) Thanks. I'm having fun with it--I'm glad you are, too.
Vaishali, I really don't notice it so much in other genres, but whether that's because it's not present, or because romance does tend to spotlight the genders, I'm not sure. It's certain, though, that I've never heard sf/f or mystery fans complaining about unrealistic men. Unrealistic characters in general, yes, but not regarding their gender.
I do think you've hit on something there--people prefer to read books that reinforce their own views of the world. So if their world is full of Neanderthal men, that's what they want to read about.
I hope that's not the case--that would be awfully sad. I wouldn't be surprised, though, if many women buy into the stereotype because it reinforces their view of the world: a woman with a husband with a few faults (IOW: a regular person) might be better able to put up with those faults if she thinks that most other men are much worse. Or a single woman might feel better about being single if she thinks most men are like the stereotypes. Referring to women who prefer fictional heroes to fit the stereotypes, of course.
BTW, Darla, I think I'm getting addicted to your blog - love it!
:) Thanks. I'm having fun with it--I'm glad you are, too.
Amen to that!!
I sometimes find myself trying to decide wheather I am dayfreaming my love or if he is really there, but yes, decent guys are all around, and the whole "all men are the same" attitude is probably just an excuse to stick to something less than what one would want...grr, the "all men are the same" ladies really annoy me too!
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I sometimes find myself trying to decide wheather I am dayfreaming my love or if he is really there, but yes, decent guys are all around, and the whole "all men are the same" attitude is probably just an excuse to stick to something less than what one would want...grr, the "all men are the same" ladies really annoy me too!
# posted by : 9/19/2006 1:04 PM
: 9/19/2006 1:04 PM << Home
